BMN : Chapter 43

The person before Jin Yi brought a wave of warmth, but his words left Jin Yi feeling as if he had plunged into an icy abyss. Jin Yi opened his mouth but couldn’t utter a word. After a deep breath, he finally spoke, though his voice quivered uncontrollably. “I have a question for Doctor Fang.”

“Doctor Fang? Are you referring to me or my father?” Fang Fan asked.

“You,” Jin Yi clarified.

“Please, go ahead.”

“Doctor Fang, being skilled in music, are you familiar with a piece called ‘Ming Yue Ye’?” Jin Yi asked.

“I’m sorry, but there are countless compositions in the world. Unless it is a well-known piece, it might not be widely recognized. Please forgive my ignorance,” Fang Fan replied calmly. Jin Yi tried to find some hint in Fang Fan’s expression or words, but it seemed in vain.

Jin Yi continued, “Would you be willing to answer some personal questions?”

“Please, ask,” Fang Fan responded.

“You’re not a local, are you? Where do you come from, and why are you here?”

“It’s true that I’m not from around here. Three years ago, my father and I came from Jiangnan. My father was saved by a merchant caravan while traveling in the desert long ago, and the caravan leader was from Xianquan Town. My father originally brought me here to visit an old friend, but the friend had passed away. So, we decided to stay here temporarily to repay the kindness by helping the locals,” Fang Fan explained.

“Is that really the case?” Jin Yi asked in a deep voice.

“Yes, that’s the truth,” Fang Fan smiled, adding, “But may I ask why you’re interested in these matters?”

Jin Yi remained silent for a moment before saying, “Because you bear a striking resemblance to someone very dear to me.”

“The world is vast, and nothing is impossible. But I am who I am, and your dear one is who they are. No matter how similar, we are not the same person,” Fang Fan replied, his gentle tone sharper than the wind, leaving Jin Yi feeling cold and empty.

“Sorry, I was being presumptuous. Thank you, Doctor Fang, for clearing my doubts. I will take my leave now.” Jin Yi turned to leave but couldn’t help looking back at Fang Fan, wondering how this face, so familiar from his dreams, could not belong to the person he thought it was.

Fang Fan, feeling awkward under Jin Yi’s intense gaze, lowered his head and noticed Jin Yi’s hands. “Wait a moment, sir. Your hands are chapped. Let me fetch some ointment for you to apply after washing,” Fang Fan offered and went inside to retrieve the medicine.

Jin Yi watched him go and then return, his eyes following every movement until a small bottle was handed to him.

Reaching out, Jin Yi accepted it. “Thank you, Doctor Fang. How much do I owe you?”

Fang Fan shook his head with a smile. “Pardon me if I speak out of turn, but judging by your demeanor, you must be a high-ranking officer in the Longshuo Pass garrison. You soldiers protect us and keep Xianquan Town safe. Consider this ointment a small token of appreciation from me. Please, accept it.”

Normally, Jin Yi would not accept favors from strangers, but he took the bottle, nodded, and said, “In that case, thank you, Doctor Fang.”

Seeing him accept, Fang Fan smiled and bid him farewell. “Safe travels, General.”

Jin Yi left, clutching the bottle. As he reached the door, he stopped and turned back, asking, “Are you really not him?”

Fang Fan replied without hesitation, “I am just myself.”

Jin Yi left, and Fang Fan vaguely heard a soft, self-deprecating laugh at the doorway.

Upon returning to Longshuo Pass, Jin Yi ordered an investigation into the background of Doctor Fang and his father. The information matched what Fang Fan had told him perfectly. His last hope was shattered. The ointment in the bottle healed the cracks on his hands but did nothing for the fissures in his heart.

Every night before bed, Jin Yi couldn’t help but compare Fang Fan to the memory of his beloved. After learning the truth, he tried not to think about it, but upon waking in the middle of the night, half-asleep, the comparison would slip into his mind.

Fang Fan and Fu Ming were indeed very similar in appearance, but their demeanors differed. Fu Ming was gentler, while Fang Fan had a more aloof aura. Their voices were different as well. Fang Fan was a doctor, whereas Fu Ming seemed not to know much about medicine… Wait! When he had led his army south, Fu Ming had given him a packet of powder for water and soil acclimatization!

At dawn, Jin Yi had the doctor’s prescriptions collected from the past few days and compared them with the remaining powder from his own small pouch. The military doctor concluded that “three ingredients were the same, but these are common medicinal ingredients, and while the effects are similar, these are fundamentally different prescriptions.”

Time and again, Jin Yi found hope only to face disappointment, much like his repeated attempts to retrieve Fu Ming from wherever he had gone, always ending in discouraging results.

Jin Yi reflected on whether he had lost his mind, doing things he shouldn’t. Fu Ming was gone, and he was irreplaceable. No matter how much someone else resembled him, they would never be him. So why did he so desperately seek to prove someone else was him? It seemed to be a way to console and redeem himself, but it was disrespectful and unjust to Fu Ming.

“Ye Xin, I was wrong. You are not someone else, and no one else can be you. You are not elsewhere,” Jin Yi whispered, pressing his hand to his chest, “You belong here.”

After that, Jin Yi stopped visiting Xianquan Town.

As winter set in, the soldiers who had just come with Jin Yi had never experienced the harsh winters of Liangzhou and were unprepared for the cold. When the most severe cold days arrived, even the toughest men couldn’t help but cry out. The cold was unbearable, more excruciating than the chaos of battle.

Fang Fan, wrapped tightly in thick fur, exposing only his eyes, led a group of townspeople to deliver two carts of medicinal herbs to the military doctors, instructing, “These herbs will warm the body. Each soldier should have a bowl after breakfast.”

Nearby soldiers gathered around to help unload the herbs, thanking Fang Fan repeatedly. Fang Fan smiled with his eyes, nodding. Once the carts were empty, he waved and left.

As Fang Fan was leaving the camp, he encountered Jin Yi leading a group of soldiers. Despite being fully covered, Jin Yi recognized him. But Jin Yi only gave him a glance without stopping or speaking, and they passed each other, each going their own way.

After Jin Yi had gone, Fang Fan looked back at the soldier in uniform and remarked to the driver beside him, “Our general is truly impressive.”

After verifying the safety and effectiveness of the warming herbs, each soldier received a bowl. Jiang Yisun drank his in a few gulps, smacking his lips, “This taste is quite familiar!”

Jin Yi asked casually, “You’ve had it before?”

“Yes, at the Ciyou Bureau during winter, Uncle Fang made us drink a bowl daily,” Jiang Yisun replied.

Jin Yi’s hand paused, the soup in his bowl rippling slightly. “The Ciyou Bureau? Uncle Fang?”

“Yes, a doctor who often came to treat us at the Ciyou Bureau. He was a skilled physician,” Jiang Yisun explained.

“And did this Doctor Fang know Fu Ming?” Jin Yi inquired.

“Of course, Uncle Fang liked Ming Ge’er very much; they were almost like a half-master and disciple!” Jiang Yisun responded.

Jin Yi finished his soup, set the bowl down, and pulled out a medicine bottle from his pocket, tossing it to Jiang Yisun. “Smell this. Is the scent familiar?”

Jiang Yisun opened the bottle, sniffed it, and smiled. “Where did you get this?” Not waiting for an answer, he continued, “In the snowy days of the past, we loved to play in the snow. Uncle Fang gave us ointment to prevent frostbite, and this smells just like it. It’s like I’m back there again.”

Without a word, Jin Yi grabbed the bottle back, seized Jiang Yisun’s hand, and pulled him outside.

“General Jin, what are you doing?!” Jiang Yisun exclaimed, confused.

Jin Yi dragged him to the horse stables, handed him a bridle, and said, “Come with me!”

They mounted their horses and galloped away.

“Where are we going?” Jiang Yisun shouted against the wind, nearly choking on the cold air.

“Xianquan Town, to see an old acquaintance of yours!”

“An old acquaintance? Who?”

“Doctor Fang.”

“Doctor Fang is in Xianquan Town?”

“You’ll find out when we get there!”

The horses flew over the ground, and soon they arrived outside Fang’s clinic in Xianquan Town. But the door was closed. After knocking for a while, a woman answered. Jin Yi asked, “Are Doctor Fang and his father home?”

The cook replied, “Doctor Fang received a letter and had to return to Jiangnan. Young Master Fang went to see him off and hasn’t returned yet.”

“Thank you!” Jin Yi said and immediately remounted, heading east.

They encountered Fang Fan returning from seeing his father off on the way. He was riding a camel, approaching leisurely.

Seeing him, Jiang Yisun was so shocked he nearly fell off his horse. He steadied himself, dismounted, and hurried to Fang Fan’s side, exclaiming, “Ming Ge’er! How… how are you here?”

Fang Fan didn’t respond immediately. He first looked at Jin Yi, then said to Jiang Yisun, “Do I really resemble your old friend so much?”

Jiang Yisun, still in shock, glanced between Fang Fan and Jin Yi, unsure what was happening.

Jin Yi also dismounted, his eyes fixed on Fang Fan. “Today, we drank some medicine brought by this Doctor Fang. His father is also a doctor with the surname Fang.”

Jiang Yisun pondered Jin Yi’s words, then said to Fang Fan, “So, Ming Ge’er, you… you didn’t… you just followed Uncle Fang, left the capital, and came here under a new name?”

Fang Fan shook his head, speaking with a firmness that contrasted with his usual gentle tone. “Whatever you two may speculate is your business. I said before, I am who I am, not the person you call Ming Ge’er. If you insist on seeing me as someone else, there’s no need to come again.” His tone, coupled with his slightly deep, hoarse voice, differed from how Fu Ming used to speak.

After speaking, Fang Fan mounted his camel, ready to leave.

Jin Yi grabbed the reins, preventing him from leaving. “I only have one more thing to say,” he stated.

“Please, go ahead.”

“Whether you are Fu Ming or Fang Fan, you are you.”

Jin Yi’s unexpected understanding made Fang Fan smile lightly. He rode away on his camel, the bell’s clear ring blending with the distant clatter of horse hooves.

They had ridden swiftly to get there, but now they let their horses amble back.

Jiang Yisun asked, “So, is Doctor Fang really Ming Ge’er?” “What do you think?” Jin Yi countered.

“I think he is, but then again… it seems like he’s not. It’s hard to say.”

Jin Yi’s gaze remained on the distant figure. “He is.”

“Is he really?” Jiang Yisun asked, “How can you be sure?”

“Just now, he didn’t deny my words,” Jin Yi explained.

In fact, Fang Fan had never denied he was once Fu Ming, but he insisted he was no longer Fu Ming. Perhaps that was why he had faked his death and changed his name, to completely sever ties with his past and start a new life under a new identity.

Jiang Yisun, still puzzled, asked, “But he won’t acknowledge knowing us. What should we do?”

After a moment of reflection, Jin Yi sighed and replied, “Let bygones be bygones. If he doesn’t want to bring up the past, then we’ll just get to know him anew.”

Jin Yi understood that not everything could return to the way it was. But compared to an eternal separation by death, what could be truly insurmountable?

R : Please answer to that question yourself. 

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