BABHFD : Chapter 51 The Name

 

When Ren Zhouyuan heard Leonid’s words and realized he was treating Fan Wenfeng like a mother-in-law, his expression cracked, and he felt more complicated than ever. Although Fan Wenfeng indeed cared deeply for him and always looked after him and his son like family, it was more like a brotherly concern than anything like a mother-in-law.

 

This term struck Ren Zhouyuan hard. From that day on, whenever he saw Fan Wenfeng, he would think of Leonid’s metaphor, and for a long time, he couldn’t look Fan Wenfeng in the face.

 

At the end of that conversation between Leonid and Fan Wenfeng, after Leonid removed the threat of Fan Wenfeng as a rival, he said something that moved Fan Wenfeng a bit. 

 

Leonid said, “There’s a saying in China: ‘When the sky wants to rain, and the mother wants to marry, there’s nothing you can do to stop it.’ It means some things are destined and can’t be changed. Maybe in your eyes, my past actions caused Ren Zhouyuan and An An a lot of suffering for various reasons, and as a good friend, you naturally don’t want to see them return to that life. Regardless of whether I knew about An An’s existence at the time, what’s done is done, and no amount of words can change that.”

 

“But,” he paused, looking determined, “I’ve chosen Ren Zhouyuan, and I want to spend my life with only him. As long as he remains true to me, I will always love him and create the best life for him. I won’t give him any chance to change his heart. As his friend, you worry whether he will be happy in the end, and such friendship is indeed respectable. But to reject the happiness they can have now because of potential future worries—don’t you think that’s putting the cart before the horse?”

 

Fan Wenfeng pondered over his words. Indeed, what he was doing now was as Leonid said: this kind of cautious behavior was pushing Ren Zhouyuan’s happiness away. Ren Zhouyuan had lived a tough life, which was why Fan Wenfeng worried about him being with Leonid. Leonid only needed to provide a bit of happiness, and such hard-earned happiness would be magnified tenfold or a hundredfold, and in the end, they might realize it wasn’t so bad after all.

 

But now, it was clear to everyone that Ren Zhouyuan was living well, and bringing Leonid to meet Fan Wenfeng was also his way of sharing his happiness, hoping his good friend would support his choice.

 

Fan Wenfeng still had some dissatisfaction with Leonid, which wouldn’t change in the short term. However, after their candid conversation, his attitude towards Leonid slightly changed. It seemed everything was moving in a direction that pleased everyone. 

 

Ren Zhouyuan and Leonid resolved all their conflicts, met each other’s families and friends, and it seemed like a happy ending for all. But Ren Zhouyuan knew there was still an issue between him and Leonid.

 

After that day, Leonid and Fan Wenfeng met a few more times. Leonid gradually let go of his prejudices against Fan Wenfeng and eventually stopped attending meetings with Ren Zhouyuan, leaving him space to talk about personal matters with his friend.

 

Fan Wenfeng, after spending time with Leonid, could see that he genuinely cared for Ren Zhouyuan. Gradually, he stopped opposing their relationship, though he still occasionally worried whether Ren Zhouyuan would be mistreated or looked down upon in Leonid’s family.

 

He truly saw Ren Zhouyuan as a younger brother, so he had many concerns. After knowing they had argued over having another child, Fan Wenfeng started considering the issue of a second child for Ren Zhouyuan.

 

Ren Zhouyuan knew Fan Wenfeng was still evaluating Leonid, so he wouldn’t reveal Leonid’s previous act of poking holes in the condom. That was a bedroom secret, no matter how close he was to Fan Wenfeng; some things were not easy to say.

 

Because of this, Fan Wenfeng didn’t know what Leonid had done and naturally considered Ren Zhouyuan’s future from a normal perspective. Initially, when he learned that An An was Ren Zhouyuan’s child, Fan Wenfeng was briefly shocked. But given the many strange things in this world, apart from the fact that a man could give birth, Ren Zhouyuan was no different from an ordinary person. It didn’t take long for Fan Wenfeng to accept his unique condition.

 

Now, knowing his relationship with Leonid, Fan Wenfeng couldn’t help but feel happy for Ren Zhouyuan. With such a body, having children would only make his life with Leonid more harmonious.

 

Fan Wenfeng didn’t know if Ren Zhouyuan was resistant to having children, but seeing how he and An An were so close over the years, he guessed Ren Zhouyuan liked children.

 

He believed that having a child played a significant role in a family, especially for a single man like him who often envied the happy families of others. He thought this reasoning also applied to Ren Zhouyuan.

 

Thus, he began subtly instilling his ideas in Ren Zhouyuan. Seeing him remain silent, he thought he was seriously considering it and talked even more.

 

Ren Zhouyuan had been troubled by this matter for a while. A few days ago, while tidying up the room, he found some parenting books Leonid had hidden. He didn’t know if Leonid did it intentionally or not, but after that, he felt a bit odd.

 

Unexpectedly, Fan Wenfeng brought up the same topic. Considering Fan Wenfeng’s previous opposition to their relationship, Ren Zhouyuan didn’t know what expression to show.

 

He was terrified of the lonely days when he had An An, feeling like a freak, afraid to go out, even wrapping himself tightly to pick up a delivery, fearing others would see a man with a big belly.

 

This issue kept circling in his mind without a conclusion.

 

Leonid noticed his bad mood. After asking several times without an answer, fearing Ren Zhouyuan was overthinking again, he observed him for a few days. One night, while they were lying in bed, Leonid couldn’t help but force Ren Zhouyuan to face him, determined to find out what was troubling him.

 

Facing Leonid’s eyes, Ren Zhouyuan felt a moment of dizziness. He had been obsessing over this issue so much that when he saw Leonid, he almost overlapped with An An’s childhood image.

 

He reached out to touch Leonid’s face and blurted out, “Why do you want another child so much?”

 

Leonid was stunned and frowned. He finally understood what was bothering Ren Zhouyuan.

 

He slapped Ren Zhouyuan’s butt hard, making him jump and instantly come back to his senses.

 

Leonid glared at him and said, “Didn’t we discuss this before? If you don’t want to, we won’t talk about it again.” He thought for a moment and added displeased, “Did Fan Wenfeng say something to you? I knew I shouldn’t let you meet him so often; he’s always so alarmist.”

 

Leonid’s answer didn’t solve Ren Zhouyuan’s doubts. He said that if Ren Zhouyuan didn’t want to, they wouldn’t have a child, but he still seemed to really want one.

 

Ren Zhouyuan snuggled into Leonid’s arms and thought for a while. “Do you know? Chinese characters are really interesting.”

 

Leonid raised an eyebrow, saying nothing.

 

Ren Zhouyuan didn’t mind if Leonid understood or not. He just wanted to speak his mind. “There’s a saying that goes: ‘You, with essence but no husband; Zhou, long but without origin.’ This explains the concept of the universe.”

 

Regardless of whether Leonid understood, Ren Zhouyuan seemed to be talking to himself, “There is a process but no beginning or end, which describes time, or ‘Zhou.’ From the beginning, the name given to me by the orphanage director seemed to foreshadow my life.” His tone carried a bit of self-mockery. “Since I can remember, I’ve never seen my family. I don’t know where they are or why they abandoned me, so I have no beginning.”

 

Leonid tightened his hold on him, and Ren Zhouyuan hugged him back. “Our relationship happened out of nowhere, and I gave birth to An An in a daze. After so many years, we’re together again. Our relationship also had no clear beginning.”

 

“I don’t know if the future will be like my name, with no beginning or end. So I don’t dare to bet. I fear the future. I trust you, but I don’t trust myself to manage a family well,” Ren Zhouyuan said. “I want to be a good father and always try my best, but An An is very introverted. Seeing him is like seeing my younger self, sensitive and insecure. I can’t even raise An An well. How dare I think of having another child?”

 

Leonid kissed his hair, one arm holding him, the other gently stroking his back. He knew pregnancy was a sore spot for Ren Zhouyuan, and his origins were another. He comforted him, “An An is great. You raised him to be obedient and smart. Don’t you remember how much Anna and the others liked An An? That’s all thanks to you.”

 

He paused, pinched Ren Zhouyuan’s waist, and said, “I don’t know if Chinese characters are interesting, but what you said is too difficult for me to understand.” He looked into Ren Zhouyuan’s eyes, sincerely saying, “I only know that the character ‘Zhou’ represents neither no beginning nor no end. Since I started learning Chinese, I’ve always thought ‘Zhou’ is a beautiful character.”

 

Ren Zhouyuan wrinkled his nose, wanting to hear what he would say next.

 

Leonid took Ren Zhouyuan’s hand and wrote the character “Zhou” stroke by stroke on his palm, saying, “In my heart, the character ‘Zhou’ represents a family with four members.” Writing the final stroke, he looked into Ren Zhouyuan’s eyes with a gentle expression. “This family has me, you, An An, and the fourth person—whether they appear in the future or not,” he placed his hand over Ren Zhouyuan’s hand, both hands together on Ren Zhouyuan’s heart, “is up to you to decide.”

 

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Rain : Are you back already ? hh