That night, Ren Zhouyuan spent a long time soothing An An until he finally calmed down. Even after falling asleep, An An clung to Ren Zhouyuan’s arm, his cheeks still streaked with tears, which broke Ren Zhouyuan’s heart.
It was the first time Ren Zhouyuan saw An An express his emotions like an ordinary child, crying and fussing. In the past, An An always silently observed Ren Zhouyuan’s expressions to judge what would make him happy or sad, carefully trying to please his father.
An An had begun to honestly express his true thoughts without Ren Zhouyuan noticing. However, this rare act of defiance happened to be about something so troubling for Ren Zhouyuan.
Holding An An, Ren Zhouyuan thought long and hard about whether they should have another child. He had considered this question countless times. He wanted to fulfill Leonid’s dream and make their family livelier, but he also didn’t want to ignore An An’s feelings and hurt him.
An An was his precious child, sensitive and insecure, just like Ren Zhouyuan had been as a child. Imagining his own childhood, Ren Zhouyuan quickly understood why An An didn’t want a sibling.
Ren Zhouyuan had grown up in an orphanage and was never adopted. He could imagine that if he had been adopted by a new family and could receive all their love, it would hurt deeply if his adoptive mother suddenly got pregnant. It would feel like being neglected by his parents, who now only had eyes for the new baby.
Ren Zhouyuan gently stroked An An’s hair and kissed his forehead, patting his back to help him sleep more soundly. Although An An was young, he had missed out on a lot in his upbringing. Before meeting Leonid, An An had grown up in a single-parent family, with Ren Zhouyuan often neglecting his needs while trying to make a living.
During his time with the archaeological team, An An had been hurt. It took Ren Zhouyuan a long time to help him out of that shadow, and it wasn’t until Leonid appeared that An An finally felt secure in being Ren Zhouyuan’s child.
An An’s introverted personality was entirely due to Ren Zhouyuan’s early life experiences. He didn’t want his son to go through what he had, yet inadvertently, he had led him down a similar path.
Seeing An An and Anatoly play today had been comforting. It showed that An An could make friends his own age and share his interests, and it was heartening to see An An overcoming his past fears and initiating conversations in broken Russian with Anatoly.
Ren Zhouyuan hoped An An would become more lively, develop a complete personality, and grow into a responsible, cheerful child. This was the hope of every parent for their child, and Ren Zhouyuan especially hoped An An would fill in the gaps left by his own childhood.
That night, Ren Zhouyuan hardly slept, holding An An and thinking all night. In the end, he concluded that they still needed to have this child.
It wasn’t out of selfishness, disregarding An An’s feelings, but rather for An An’s sake that this child had to be born. An An was clearly caught in a mental trap, lacking confidence deep down. He used to feel that Leonid was there to compete with him for his father’s attention, and now he felt that a future sibling would compete for affection. This deep-seated insecurity was ingrained in him.
Ren Zhouyuan had named An An “Ju An” (??), hoping for him to live a peaceful and happy life. But even after so long, An An still lacked confidence, always fearing he would be abandoned by his father.
Ren Zhouyuan wanted this child to show An An that no matter what changes life brought, his place in their hearts would always be the most important.
Ren Zhouyuan finally fell asleep just as dawn broke, but it felt like he had only slept for two hours when he felt something brushing against his stomach.
He struggled to open his eyes and, after adjusting to the light in the room, looked down.
An An was nestled against him, his small head resting on Ren Zhouyuan’s arm, squirming around. It took Ren Zhouyuan a few seconds to realize that An An was secretly touching his stomach.
Ren Zhouyuan was momentarily stunned, unsure of An An’s thoughts. He thought for a moment, then closed his eyes and rolled over, changing from a side position to lying on his back.
An An was startled and quickly withdrew his hand, lying still beside Ren Zhouyuan.
Ren Zhouyuan counted to sixty in his head, then pretended to stretch and wake up. Opening his eyes, he saw An An mimicking waking up, rubbing his eyes, and sweetly saying, “Good morning, Daddy.”
Ren Zhouyuan found it both amusing and touching. If he hadn’t woken up earlier, he would have been fooled by An An’s act.
He didn’t expose An An, kissed him, and said good morning, leading him to wash up and get dressed as usual. He noticed An An watching his expressions closely, relaxing only when he saw no sign of anything unusual.
An An seemed to be sticking to his declaration from the night before. When Anatoly came to play, An An haughtily ignored him, leaving Anatoly confused and retreating to Daria with a sad look, glancing longingly at An An.
An An felt guilty about his behavior, sneaking a glance at Ren Zhouyuan. Seeing him watching, An An quickly resumed his aloof act, sitting alone in the corner, fiddling with the parts in his hand.
Ren Zhouyuan sighed, apologized to Daria and the others, then picked up An An and carried him to his room under everyone’s puzzled gazes. Locking the door, he set An An on the bed, pulled up a chair, and sat across from him.
After thinking for a while, he addressed An An with the same seriousness he would use with an adult. “An An, did Anatoly do something wrong? Why didn’t you play with him when he came over?”
An An pouted stubbornly. “I don’t like him anymore.”
“Liars are little cheats, and no one likes a cheat,” Ren Zhouyuan said sternly.
An An pouted more, kicking his legs. “I just don’t like him anymore! I just don’t!”
“Alright!” Ren Zhouyuan suddenly raised his voice a bit, grabbing An An’s hand. “If you don’t like Anatoly, you need to tell him why. Explain to him, and then tell him you can’t be friends anymore. I’ll listen.”
Hearing Ren Zhouyuan’s stern tone, An An felt wronged and couldn’t hold back his tears, which began to fall in large drops.
He struggled to free his hand from Ren Zhouyuan’s grasp, crying and sniffling, “Daddy, you don’t love me anymore! The baby isn’t even born, and you don’t love me! I don’t want a baby brother! An An doesn’t want a baby brother!”
An An’s cries were loud, tears flowing continuously. He waved his arms, trying to wipe them away, but they kept coming.
Seeing An An like this broke Ren Zhouyuan’s heart, but he knew he had to resolve this issue and could only hold back from comforting him, waiting for him to calm down.
An An’s crying soon drew attention from outside. After a while, there was a knock on the door, and Anna’s voice came through, sounding concerned. “Is everything alright? I think I heard An An crying. What happened?”
Ren Zhouyuan paused, then walked to the door, opened it a crack, and apologized to Anna, giving her a brief explanation and asking them to leave for a while.
Closing the door, he turned to see An An lying on the bed, crying into the pillow. Sighing, Ren Zhouyuan sat next to him and gently pulled him up.
An An resisted, refusing to lift his head. Ren Zhouyuan, worried he might suffocate, used some force to make him sit up.
As soon as An An sat up, he buried his head in Ren Zhouyuan’s chest, soaking his shirt with tears. One hand patted An An’s back while the other stroked his hair. In a gentle tone, he asked, “An An, can you tell Daddy why you don’t like having a baby brother?”
An An sniffled and squirmed, saying nothing.
Ren Zhouyuan remained patient, continuing to soothe him. “Wouldn’t it be nice to have a brother to play with, like Anatoly?”
“I don’t want one!” An An quickly replied, his voice still tearful.
“Are you afraid that if Daddy has a baby brother, he won’t love An An anymore?” Ren Zhouyuan said. “But no matter how many siblings you have, An An will always be Daddy’s first child, the one Daddy loves the most. How could Daddy not love An An?”
An An listened, his sobs quieting but still unhappy. He toyed with the buttons on Ren Zhouyuan’s shirt, thinking for a while before saying, “But the baby will also be Daddy’s child. Daddy will love the baby too. Daddy’s heart is only so big. If there’s a baby, how can he still love An An?”
Ren Zhouyuan felt a complex mix of emotions. He shifted An An on his lap, holding him tighter. “Daddy only has one heart, but he can love both the baby and An An at the same time.” He placed his hand over An An’s chest. “Let me ask you, do you love Dad(L)?”
An An pouted but eventually answered, “Yes.”
“Good,” Ren Zhouyuan continued. “And do you love Daddy?”
“Of course I do!” An An declared firmly.
“See?” Ren Zhouyuan smiled, pinching An An’s nose. “Before Dad appeared, An An only loved Daddy. But now, An An loves both Daddy and Dad. Why can An An’s small heart love both of us?”
An An had stopped crying and seemed to be pondering Ren Zhouyuan’s words.
Ren Zhouyuan kissed him again. “Each of us has only one heart, but it’s big enough to hold many people and many things. An An loves his toys, his teachers, playing with Anatoly—all these are little loves.”
“An An loves Daddy and Dad—that’s big love. Our hearts are filled with these little and big loves. But sometimes, even with all this love, we can still feel sad and lost. Do you know why?”
An An looked up at him seriously.
Ren Zhouyuan explained, “Because we not only love others, but we also need to be loved. Right now, Daddy loves An An, and Dad loves An An too. That’s why An An feels happy. When An An grows up, he’ll find that we not only have the ability to love but also the ability to be loved.”
He looked into An An’s eyes. “In the future, besides Daddy and Dad, you’ll have a baby brother or sister who will also love you. Isn’t that good?”
Just as Leonid returned home, having finished his tasks, Anna grabbed him, indicating the room where the father and son were talking.
Leonid quickly walked up but stopped when he heard the conversation. He retracted his hand, which was about to open the door, and stood outside, pondering for a moment. In the end, he decided not to interrupt this crucial conversation between father and son.
Rain : Sorry I’m late ;_;
Are you ready for the final ?! ?
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